Guess what, there is no guy code.

Guys are not these mythical creatures with hidden agendas who speak double speak and live to confuse women.

They really are what they say they are. They get scared. They don’t want to hurt another’s feelings. They cry.

Yet, women still find these creatures so difficult to understand.

Women spend nights on the phone with their girlfriends decoding the hidden messages in a text message.

“Okay, so he wrote, ‘See ya later'” one girl tells another.

“He is totally going to ask you out” other girl says.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because he spelled out the words see instead of using the letter. If he just used the letter, it would show he isn’t serious about you.”

Guess what? The guy spelling out the word has nothing to do with how he feels about you. It just means he spelled out the word. There is no hidden meaning.

Don’t get me wrong, I spent my 20’s bugging my girlfriends about this supposed guy speak. My poor roommate, I am so thrilled she didn’t come in my room late at night and smother me with a pillow. I swore this guy, I will name Cabe (never met a Cabe before in my life) loved me. It was one of those meetings when all the lights faded, the music became a soft white noise instead of the blaring club music I was hearing before our eyes locked. Oh it was a magical meeting.

I spent the next year pouring over every phone call and conversation. He kept hanging out with me, so he must have liked me. He made me dinner once, he must love me. I met his sister and brother. I met his best friend. I was so in! I needed to plan our wedding.

But he wasn’t that into me.

At all.

No doubt I am a cool girl and I can understand why people would want to keep me in their life. But, he wasn’t all that interested in making me his girlfriend then wife.

It took me getting cancer to finally get that through my head.

The night my doctor called to tell me I did have cancer, I called up Cabe. I asked if he could come over and just sit with me. Maybe get some ice cream and watch a movie with me.

He had plans. He was going out to a bar with his friends.

On the night I needed him; he needed to get drunk.

The next day, he called to tell me how his night was. Apparently he saw some girl get hit by a car. He kept going on and on about how odd it was seeing the girl get hit. All I kept thinking was I had cancer. You watched some random girl get hit by a car when you could have sat with someone you at least kissed once or twice who just found out she had cancer.

At the time I thought he was a major dick. The girlfriend posse agreed. But the truth is, I am the major dick. Cabe showed me on more than one occasion he wasn’t that interested in me. I was a cool girl to talk to, but as far as really being in my life, well that wasn’t going to happen. I asked him to be there for me in ways he never agreed to being there. He was clear in his intentions, but I was stupidly reading into everything.

It was that event I learned guys are just guys. There is no code. Pouring over the words and phrases of people are pointless and only end up hurting you. If someone wants to be in your life, they will be in it. If they don’t, they won’t. It is that simple.

As a post script to the Cabe story, we talked two other times after that event. Once he called out of the blue. He actually called my old number, got the new number and tracked me down. We were supposed to hang out, maybe go to dinner as friends. It didn’t happen. The second time I saw him at a Phillies game. I walked right up to him and was like, “Hi Cabe.” and walked away.

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