When I thought about all the times I  gained or lost a lot of weight, there seemed to be on thing in common with those periods in my life. I was having a crisis of the mind.

Sure, having cancer did indeed keep my weight influx, but when that was “under control” I noticed it was really my mind forcing my weight gain.

I would be so disappointed in myself or my life I would just eat. I would think it didn’t matter what I looked like and I tried to keep people as far away from me as I could. This action would make me eat more because my mind would tell me no one wanted me around and it didn’t matter.

But it does matter.

To me, it isn’t about dieting. Although at times, I would love to shed some of the thoughts in my head, I know those things aren’t as possible as we all believe it to be. Sometimes crazy thoughts just come out of no where and then one is left feeling like a mack truck just ran over one’s lungs.

For me, I have to rewire my brain into thinking differently. I also know I can not have an idle mind. I will be that 90 year old lady getting her 20th Master’s. I’ll have 7 PHD’s. I know I have to keep my mind in school and let it always be working towards a positive good.

This past week, what I called my trail week, really thought me how maniuplative my mind is to me. This whole time I was keeping myself crazy and full of weight because I didn’t see the other side.

I am happier now. I sleep better at night. I’m not geting headaches as much.

It’s not about a diet or even losing weight. It is about reworking my thoughts into a more positive outlook. It’s about getting my mind to calm down and allow my body to breathe.