Ever since the accident, I was prompted in how to respond when asked about my father. I was a robot in how I delivered the response. Subject verb article predicate. Subject verb article predicate. Subject verb adjective predicate prepositional phrase.

I could say the words; but I never felt them. Much like any other passage of words I was taught were important; I said them but I never ingested their meanings.

Up until fourth grade, every morning in class I prayed to the blessed mother Mary. I said the words but I never understood I was asking Mary to pray for my sins that I created now and the ones I created before I died. I had no idea as I uttered the Lord’s Prayer I was asking God to forgive me just as I forgave others.

How many years did I, as a student and a teacher, pledge my allegiance to the flag of the United States of America without even knowing what I was saying? Every morning I stood up with my hand on my heart and swore to the “republic, for which it stands.” I had always loved my country. I took those words for granted. I never truly thought about what I was saying.

My question remains, do I need to understand and feel those things I have in rote memory?

In regards to the prayer and the pledge; I feel it is imperative one knows and understands what is being said. In a way, one is opening a verbal contract with God, Mary, or the United States of America and it should be understood what is being said. Also, the words are pretty powerful, so why not enjoy the meaning of them?

With my dad’s accident, I am unsure. I don’t know if it is really beneficial for me to actually feel the verbs of his accident. Do I really need to see the predicates? Isn’t it enough that I know the exact location of  that prepositional phrase, do I really have to be there with him? Do I need to watch the last verb adjective combination happen? Will it help me heal better?

My whole life I built a wall up so I would never have to feel and see the subject and those verbs in action. My mother gave me the prompt to protect me from feeling it all. Do I really have to feel it? I feel the impact of what was lost that day of his accident every day, do I have to feel the accident as well?