I’m not like a huge hoarder; not like the ones you see on TLC or anything. But I think I might have a small hoarding problem. I tend to hang on to the dumbest stuff.

Like I have this book bag I stole from my old school. The bag is black and grey and written all over. Yet, when I saw it lying in the lost and found bin, I had to take it. I should tell you it belongs to a very important person in my life and I couldn’t stand the book bag just being tossed away. It was like someone was saying this person should be tossed away and I couldn’t do that. So, I grabbed the book bag and put it in the trunk of my car. I left it in there for weeks. One day I finally took it out and moved it into a big Rubbermaid plastic bin. It was sitting in the same bin for the past five years. A few days ago, I pulled open the bin and saw the book bag. I laughed because I still had the thing and seeing it reminded me of the person who used to carry it around.  I looked inside the book bag and found three three-ringed binders. I totally stole them and thought finders keepers. Again I looked at the book bag. It once was such a precious thing to me, but now I look at it and see how gross it really is. There are crumbs in the bag. There is an unidentifiable glue-like substance on the front of the bag. Lastly, there is all the graffiti on it. It’s not the bag that is precious to me; it is the person who owned the bag. But did I throw the bag out? Nope. It is still in the big Rubbermaid bin.

I wouldn’t think I was so strange if the book bag was the only thing I have kept; but it isn’t at all. I have stick figure drawings. I have stupid notes. I even have the fake five billion dollar bill! I keep all these things and for what?

It’s all about fear. I have been so afraid to lose this remarkable person from my life; I have turned into a psychotic hoarder. I am surprised I don’t have a half eaten sandwich eaten by this person or something like that lying around. I hang on to these things because they are a part of this person. I can remember stories associated with the items I have hidden around the room.  I want to be the one person who just never forgets; so I hang on to these crazy items.

But here is the thing. It has been a long time now and we are still in contact. I have a feeling I am someone this person wants to hold onto as well. Who knows, maybe they have things I wrote or touched lying around as well. I doubt it, but who knows. I have to really start to understand neither one of us wants the other to walk away from the other one. I don’t need to hold onto these silly things because this person isn’t going anywhere. I will always be able to make new memories with this person. We are in each other’s life and I feel like we are in each other’s life for the long haul.

I have to stop worrying and start understanding I am important. I don’t need to hold onto silly objects because those objects remind me of the past and you are here in the present. I have you in my life and I am in yours. There is no object that could ever represent that gift.

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