Why is it that we carry such crazy burdens? We can be so mad at another person, yet we never tell that person why we are mad to begin with. Sometimes I think it happens because we just assume the person knows why we are mad at them, so telling them would be dumb. Besides, we are too angry to talk to them and would rather burn large hatred holes in their skin with our eyes. Then again, maybe we don’t tell the other person because we don’t think they are worth keeping in our lives. You don’t feel like working at an already dead relationship and that reason is just another reason to be mad at them. You just add it to the pile and feel yourself pulling further away. Or maybe you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings, so you find just bottling up the anger is better than sharing it. Perhaps we second guess our anger. We feel we don’t have the right to be mad at that person, so we don’t say anything.

Regardless of the reasons, when we carry burdens…we are ultimately hurting ourselves. People are not mind readers, so assuming someone knows why you are mad at them is pointless. You stress out even more because not only are you mad at them but now you are adding the fact they don’t know you are mad at them. They walk around thinking everything is fine or maybe you just don’t want to talk that day. The person has no idea you are stabbing them with an imaginary butter knife and plotting their death.

We carry these reasons, these burdens, for no reason. The only person who pays the price in the long run is us.

However, what if you are mad at someone you socially aren’t supposed to be mad at? What if you are mad at a sibling or a parent?

Most people just swallow their anger instead of bringing it to the person. Others might just dissociate from the family member. In the end, neither of these are good solutions because it is you who will pay the price. You lose out on the one thing we all crave the most; love and acceptance. Also, you never learn how to have a family and when it comes time to create your own, you falter.

I am not saying you shouldn’t be mad at a sibling or a parent. They are all humans and are not impervious to mistakes. I am also not saying you have to forgive them for any mistakes that are made.

However, I do think if you are mad at someone, you need to tell them why. It is not fair to you to carry another person’s burden. If that person hurt you, then it is their burden to carry. They can either try to make the situation right or do nothing. Sure, maybe you don’t say anything because you are afraid they will take the second option and then you have to deal with being upset and rejected. But, it is a risk you have to take. You can’t shoulder another man’s burden. You have your own to carry and your shoulders are not that strong. If you tell the person why you are upset and they do nothing about it, then why bother keeping dead weight in your life? I think you will be surprised to find the person had no idea you were upset and will do what they can to make sure you understand they love you and don’t want you hurt. Also, it shows that person not only how much you value them in your life, but also how much you value your own life.

Burdens, when left to fester, become large, solid balls of pain. Life is painful enough without adding to it. Why carry something that doesn’t belong to you?

I would hope the people in my life would tell me when and how I have hurt them. If you know me, you would know I would hate hurting you. I would hope you would love me enough to tell me when I did so I could fix it.

In that same vein, if I come to you and tell you how you hurt me, you should consider yourself very lucky. I almost never tell people how I really feel and if I am telling you, then I really do love you.

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