Today is Halloween and it is probably the only official day in which it is mildly acceptable to wear black lipstick. However, black lipstick is seriously not a good look…for anyone…at any time. Trust me, black lipstick doesn’t sit well on the lips. No matter how much gloss for put on top of your “wet n wild” brand of black lipstick, you will not be able to bring the black lipstick to a nice vinyl shine. I know, you are saying, “but it says, wet n wild”. It’s black lipstick; it is neither wet nor wild. It’s just black tar across your lips.

I know you are thinking I am being too harsh on black lipstick. It is after all only lipstick. But let’s be honest, it really isn’t a good look. Sure, you can use black eyeliner to outline your lips acting as a lip liner, but in the end, the black lipstick is still going to get on your chin and teeth. Nothing can hold black lipstick in place. Also, it is difficult to make sure you cover your whole lip. When you open your mouth to talk, people will see your natural lip color hence defeating your original purpose for the lipstick. The “wet n wild” brand used to have these glitter flecks in it that would be gritty.

How do I know so much about the wearing of black lipstick?

Well, as we speak I am rocking this blog out while wearing black lipstick. It smells like rose petal death and tastes like clay. I wear it not for Halloween, but as a mere homage to my yester years. It’s true! When I was a little eighth grader, I totally wore black nail polish and black lipstick. My bangs were a good three inches off my scalp. My black eyeliner was compared to raccoon eyes. But, I thought I was so…I don’t even know what. I literally thought the black lipstick made my blue eyes pop. I swore I looked hotter than anything and I was so…something.

I was just an idiot.

Speaking of idiots…let’s talk about Halloween glitter.

If you grew up listening to Debbie Gibson, The Thompson Twins, or if you didn’t know George Michael was gay when he was with Wham! …I am going to ask you to put down that tube of eye glitter. Yes, I know that for Halloween you want to be a fairy and a fairy has pretty butterfly wings and glitter about the eyes…but girlfriend, there comes a time when glitter is no longer acceptable. For you, that time is now.

Guess what? You are too old to wear glitter. I am sorry. You don’t look cute with glitter outlining your eyes because the glitter is now getting caught in your slowly forming wrinkles. Glitter is slowly making its way into your acne scars and is letting the world know you popped your pimples (even when everyone told you not too). The glitter is just too young for you and YOU HAVE TO PUT IT DOWN.

I once saw a woman of about sixty rocking some glitter eyeliner. I first thought, “Wow, what a spunky lady” and then I thought, “I need to get her some eye make-up remover.” If you are out of your twenties, then you are out of eye glitter period. No amount of Halloween will make it acceptable to put it on. End of story.

While Halloween is the day we get to dress up and be someone else, we still need to make sure we don’t try to hold on to our pasts. I would never in a million years go back to eighth grade. I am glad my twenties are over. It’s fun to play pretend and don the black lipstick one more time, but it also becomes a very morose time. As I put the black lipstick on, I notice my lips aren’t as perky. Applying the eyeliner to my eyes, I see the wrinkles starting to worm their way to the surface.

I look in the mirror and reflected back at me is the washed up version of that little girl. She wore the outrageous hair and make-up not to draw attention to her, but to keep people away. She figured people would see her as crazy and people would stay far away from her. Most of the time it worked and people just looked at her weirdly.

That little girl still works hard to make people stay away from her. It doesn’t work so well anymore.