I have a problem with reaction time. I swear I will be killed because of my delayed reaction time. I bet I will be stabbed one day and I will probably walk for about seven blocks before I realize someone had stabbed me. Then it will take me another eight blocks to come to the conclusion I should probably have my wound looked at because I seemed to have bled all over the place. By the time I would arrive at the hospital, I would have bled out.

This happens to me all the time; this delayed reaction stuff. I never pick up when people have crushes on me. When I was in high school, I had no idea guys liked me. They would tell me years later and I would be like, “What? Get out of here” because I never picked up on it.

I can have complete conversations with people and then the next day realize I said something rude or missed one of their cues for help. I am a total airhead. This is odd because I am a writer and I tend to pick up on my environment faster than I pick up what people are saying and doing to me.

So, it comes as no surprise when today I get mooned by a car full of girls.

I was just trucking along in my car going over the list of things I needed to get from Walgreens. This red car full of girls has a yield, but apparently they are a car full of brain surgeons who have just been paged for a very important surgery on a very prominent member of the community, so they were by passing the yield and speeding up. I was in my little world of just going to Walgreens, so I let the car in instead of demanding they yield to me (LIKE THE LAW REQUIRED).

I see a lot of shaking in the car and I think one of the passengers must be having a seizure or something and I am pretty glad I was nice and let them in front of me. I know firsthand it isn’t fun having a person taking a seizure in the car with you.

I get to Walgreens and park. In my head I remember the car pulled up on my side, turned real quick and sped away.

It hit me.

Those chicks mooned me. My first thought was I didn’t even know people did that anymore. Then I started thinking what the hell did they moon me for? If anyone should have been doing some mooning, it should have been me. They cut me off and I was nice enough to just let them in.

Is this a new game? Are people now mooning people and then twittering about it? Am I the subject of someone else’s face book status?

If I had a faster reaction time, I would have realized what they did and followed them. Then at the next stop light, I would have gotten out of my car and asked them why they mooned me. I wouldn’t result to violence; I would just want to understand the thought process.

But, because I have such a slow reaction time, I am left to ponder why I got mooned on my way to Walgreens on a Wednesday afternoon.

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