When I was in my early twenties, my grandmother got me the greatest Christmas gift ever. It was a quilt that actually had snap buttons so you could wrap yourself up in the quilt and read. It looked like a cocoon with arm holes. I used it every day. I would sit in my mother’s recliner and grab a book. Sure, it was no fun when I had to pee, but the snap buttons were pretty quick. It was really warm and cozy.

Which would explain why one day, I saw my sister taking my blanket out of the house with her. At this time, she was a volunteer EMT and instead of responding from home, she would respond to calls from the squad house. She took my blanket with her to the squad house and I never saw it again. I also never saw my computer (which had all my college papers and lesson plans from student teaching on it…I’m not at all bitter about it though).

About two Christmas’s ago, I saw the commerical with the happy woman snuggled in her dark blue Snuggie drinking tea and reading a book, I knew I had to get a Snuggie. The woman was just so happy and I recalled how happy I was before my sister took my blanket away. I understood that woman’s happiness and I needed that happiness to belong to me once again.

I jumped online and started ordering my Snuggie. Of course when I saw I could get another Snuggie for free, I clicked yes! Then, when I saw I could upgrade my Snuggie to the deluxe Snuggie (which means it has pockets on the front you will never use anyhow), I said yes again.

After that, I was so excited about all the deals I was getting (free book lights, free shipping, upgraded Snuggie, free SNUGGIE), I quickly typed in the credit card number and pressed send. Then I saw that my bill was eighty dollars and I somehow ordered four Snuggies.

I know my math is poor, but if each Snuggie costs twenty bucks and I somehow ordered four of them, I believe that comes to about eighty bucks. Where is my free Snuggie? More to the point, I only wanted two Snuggies and now I have four of them. I didn’t see a place for returns, so that year it was a Snuggie Christmas for all.

When I got the Snuggie, I figured I wouldn’t care so much about the cost because I would again be so happy. I could read books and drink tea cuddled in warmth.

I actually hate my Snuggie. The damn thing falls off all the time. My back gets cold. There is no warm place for my feet. The thing drags all over the place and I trip myself in it all the time.

Some people do love the Snuggie. But for me, I was spoiled by my grandmother’s Christmas present of yore. I knew the joy of being in a comforting cocoon wasting away a Sunday reading. This new Snuggie bring me no such joy.