I heard some news today that made me want to hang my head down and slowly shake the news away.

He is in your place. He is in your place and I am so mad. He doesn’t belong there and he probably wouldn’t even have known about your place if it wasn’t for me. Yet, there he is, the commercial talented phony, in your place.

Baby, I don’t regret going there and looking at the place for you. I’m not upset that you aren’t ready to be there, yet.

I am mad as hell that he is there breathing the air that belongs to you.

I am tired, baby. I am so tired of watching us both just struggle. You have to know you are gifted. It literary makes me sick how talented and brilliant one human gets to be. But there you are just be-bopping around totally unaware of your gift. You think the world thinks in your terms. You think everyone sees and hears the way you do. But, baby, they don’t.

Now here it goes again…another fucktard phony thinking they got something special. He is gonna work real hard and grease all the necessary palms and squeak out a mediocre living using part of your gift. Wait…not even part…let’s say a third of your gift.

I am so sick of these no talented pieces of commercialized shit acting like they have something you and I were just born with.

Why do we both look at our talents as if they aren’t real? We even mock our own talents because we both fall victim to the same train of thought. Everyone can do what we do.

Baby, it isn’t true. Well, I should say it isn’t true for you.

Baby, I look at my doppelganger as a way to prove my point. All the advantages in life (while pretending they weren’t advantages) were given and once again a small little chunk of the world I should own is granted.

I know it is my fault. I do really understand that I am not fighting for myself. I find every excuse to downplay what I know in my heart to be true. It comes from not lack of self-esteem, but merely a strong fear. If I pursue this and I fail, then my heart was wrong this whole time.

On the other hand, if I pursue anything, then I know I will not fail.

I am tired of struggling and fighting.

But maybe I am not fighting to get into a world I think I belong to; but maybe I am tired of fighting myself to stay out of the world I know I am in. Could it be that I am just fighting myself this whole time? If I let my guard down, will everything just start clicking? Am I already in the world I should be and all I need to do is just speak?

We are both defeating ourselves. We are both holding ourselves down. But why?

If I were to go first, would it make it easier for you? Would you make me a promise (not an ED one) that on the day I am accepted, you will start your trek?

We need to stop allowing these shallow, weak people from taking our rightful place. We need to own our own creative worlds because we were created for those worlds.

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