The last blog I wrote had too much green, so I figured I would start over. This one is pretty clean, so I take that as a sign to continue.

I was writing about how I lack purpose in my life. I think we all have the basic want to feel like we are important in this world and our life has meaning. Don’t get me wrong; I know that I am important to some. I don’t need to be important to the world at large, I am very happy to be important to the ones who claim me. I once said that I couldn’t think of a higher honor then to be thought of as someone’s closet friend or better yet, someone’s mother. For that reason, I know that I do have a purpose and I am blessed to have that purpose.

There was a long time that I just went through the motions of things. I went to work, came home, watched TV, gained weight, and repeat.

But something or someone said that wasn’t my purpose. I wasn’t created just to work. I have something more I need to do.

I am not saying my work wasn’t important. I think that my job is one of the most important ones. But somehow, there was just something more I needed to be doing and I wasn’t doing it.

So, I’ll say it was God, pushed me along. I fell and got confused. For so long I was just tapping along a life. But that wasn’t the one for me.

Now I am all over the place and more confused every day. I have no idea what I should be doing or where I should be looking. I am without a plan.

However, in that confusing mess, there is a plan.

I am no longer scripted.

I think God felt like He pulled a lot of mean shit on me and now He is saying, “Choose”.

Maybe this is all really His plan. He knows if given the opportunity, I will pick the one thing He wants me to do. But if He makes me do it, I won’t do it as well as I could if I just picked it myself. Hence the reason I went to work, came home, and repeated. I did what was asked and then did no more.

I know, who am I to think I can understand God?

But, I just know there is a reason for my total confusion. There is a lesson here. There is always a lesson.

When I find that lesson, I will then find my purpose.

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