Before I even begin this blog, I want to make a few statements. I in no way advocate suicide as a viable option. I recognize it as a thought and thoughts are fine. However, if thoughts become actions, that is where the problem lies. If at any time your suicide thoughts become a plan of action then I beg you to seek help. Call trusted friends or get on the Internet, listen to music, call a crisis hotline…do anything to distract yourself. Suicide thoughts come but they also go as well. Remember that you are in this world for a reason and there are more people depending on you then you can ever see. Is this understood? Good, now I can continue.

 

There are always these conditioned responses when people talk about suicide and a suicidal person. The person is just crying out for help. They really don’t want to kill themselves. Suicide is the coward’s way out. One will go to hell for taking one’s on life. There are many others, just at this time they escape me.

 

While I agree with these statements, I have recently learned another way of looking at the suicidal thought. In the HBO documentary “Dead Blue”, three highly intelligent and famous figures in society recount each of his and her battles with depression. The documentary also talks with the family members of the person with the illness. This documentary is, in my opinion, a wonderful tool for people trying to understand the illness.

 

One of the people in the documentary was a psychologist. She discussed how she understood what depression was but she couldn’t apply her knowledge to her own illness. Also, she discussed have electric shock treatment. Lastly, she discussed having suicidal thoughts. She said something that was so profound that I actually stopped the tape so I could really take in her words. The pain of depression can be so frightening and so incredibly painful that the thought of just living every single day in that pain is overwhelming. Our mind and our body always have to agree. If your body feels like hell and your mind is happy, your mind is confused and it will automatically start searching for ways to make your thoughts match the pain in your body. Having said that, think about this, your body feels like a million old ladies carrying those plastic flowered bags hit it. Your mind starts sending you signals that you need to fix it. Your mind tells you that it will always feel like this, so you have to end it. You have to make it stop. Sometimes a person will take his or her own life not because they gave up on living, but that person could not live with the pain of being alive anymore.

 

I think of my hero Sylvia Plath. She was, hands down, in pain. I always blamed her for giving up on her kids and her writing career. I was always so mad at her for dying and taking her life.

 

But what if it wasn’t like that after all. What if her body was in such pain and her mind convinced her that she would always be in pain. No one wants to live in pain and maybe her mind told her that the only way to stop it was to die?

 

I still don’t forgive her. I mean, she gave up on her children. Also, her son just recently killed himself as well. Now it is just her daughter holding down the legacy. I don’t think her son would have killed himself if his mother didn’t do it first. He wouldn’t have known it was an option. We all know that suicide isn’t an option.

 

However, I can now find more understanding for what was in her mind. I can agree that our minds can control us and convince us of anything. It makes sense that her mind would turn on her and tell her death was the only way out of her pain. She didn’t give up; she just needed a release.

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