Depression is a bitch. There are no two ways about it. One can hide and pretend that it isn’t happening (which is one of my symptoms of the depression) but the truth is…it is happening. There is so much that depression can do to the mind and the body that it is completely unreal. I never in my life realized how much I am fueled by the symptoms of depression.

 

I used to pretend that it wasn’t happening and I always thought I could just pull through it. I thought I was in control of my own mind. I thought my headaches and muscle aches were just my body getting old. I also just thought everyone had thoughts like me.

 

But now it is official. It is in black and white. Professionals have all agreed that I do have depression. Apparently it is also a very acute (meaning serve and not adorable) case of it.

 

I like to think of my depression as herpes. It will flare up and get worse at times, but there will also be times that I can keep it at bay. There will be warning signs that a flare up is about to occur and I will just need to take medication and get help before a serious outbreak happens. I will have it for the rest of my life and there is no cure. But I can live and survivor with it. I also don’t think I can pass depression along with a kiss. There’s an upside to everything.

 

This depression is not something I am making up. While yes it is true that I have a ton of potential, it is important to recognize that my potential and my strength has been the thing that has kept me from self-destruction. For years I have been inwardly battling my own mind. I have pushed myself through many things because I didn’t know what was going on and I thought it was best to ignore it. Just like for years I ignored that cancer growing on my thyroid. I just thought it was a part of me. I didn’t know I had a choice and I didn’t know that anything was wrong with me.

 

Why does this diagnoses frighten so many people? If I had cancer again, would you still be afraid of me? Why is mental illness such a bad thing?

 

It is just an illness. I will fight it just like I fought cancer. I will win again because that is what I do. However, if I keep being told that my depression isn’t real…I will start to believe that lie again. Then, I will die by my own hand.

 

Is that what you want to happen?

 

Do not cross me. Ask around, it isn’t fun to be on my bad side.

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