Our minds are powerful tools. Those tools can bring us great things. We can positively self-talk ourselves into anything.

 

However, when you have major depression, your mind becomes your strongest enemy. The negative self-talk that happens inside your brain could pull you so far down that the only way out you see is death.

 

I have been dealing with this negative self-talk for three decades. I had no idea that my mind was doing this to me. I thought it was my mind, so why would it lie to me? Doesn’t my mind want me to be happy?

 

Then my body gets all confused and is like, “What? We are supposed to feel bad? Oh, okay, send down a headache. That normally knocks her out for a few hours. We can send down some nausea, too. She hates throwing up and that will make her even more uncomfortable.”

 

I would love to say that this is just a recent event. It isn’t. My mind has been doing this for so long, it should have a Ph.D. already.

 

Let me give you an example.

 

When I was in middle school, I liked this one guy for six years. It was truly pathetic. I mean I would not date anyone or even entertain the idea of liking someone else because I just loved this unattainable guy. Why did my mind do this to me?

 

It is all about protection. My mind thought it was better for me to just pine away over some guy then to deal with going out with other guys and getting my heart broken. My mind was trying to protect me like an overprotective parent. As we all know, an overprotective parent causes more harm then good and my mind was no exception.

 

In about tenth grade, I stopped liking him because I got around other boys. Ones that actually wanted to talk with me and noticed I had a great mind and I was a bit on the cute side. This all challenged my brain and my mind started to warm to the idea. I guess my mind thought that I wasn’t going to die if I liked another boy and that I might actually have some normal teenage fun for once.

 

My mind tries to protect me. But instead it causes more harm.

 

Take for example now; my mind is spinning a wonderful tale of looser-ville in my mind. Why should I write my blog, no one reads it? Why should I try to go to grad school, I wouldn’t get in? Why should I try to do anything? I should just go back to sleep and dream of the life I will never have because it isn’t safe for me to have it.

 

Well mind, guess what. I am on to you and your tricks. You think you know what is best for me, yet you have no idea. You keep me a prisoner so I won’t get hurt. Yet in the long run, I hurt even more and I also tend to hurt others.

 

I won’t let this happen anymore.

 

I will do the opposite of what my brain wants me to do.

 

Today it wants me to stay in bed.

 

Here I am writing a blog.

 

My brain wants me to watch TV.

 

I am picking out a book.

 

My mind says I should stop writing stories.

 

I will try to write one today.

 

For so long my mind has kept me from living my life. I know better and now I will act on that knowledge.

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