As a writer, I know that I should keep a journal. For years I have tried to keep at least one. I will be good for a few days, writing in it feverishly. Then, I stop. I forget I have the journal. I don’t know where I put it last. I feel dumb for keeping one.

 

But then, what will I leave behind?

 

Sure, I’ll have my books (once I finish writing them). They will be filled with false truths and manipulated times. What will happen when years later when I become a voice for a new generation of young women who suffer just as I have done, when those young women start seriously looking at my work and they want answers? What happens when those girls don’t understand who Luke is in my story? How will they be able to answer why I wrote what I wrote? What if they go searching for me, looking for something written in my own voice, and what happens when they can’t find me? Normally a writer leaves journals and letters to friends.

 

But we have the Internet now. There are emails instead of written letters.

 

How will those young women, and I’ll be fair and add young men, be able to identify anything as a primary source if it isn’t written in my own hand?

 

Maybe I am thinking too much of myself. Perhaps this won’t even be an issue because maybe I won’t be as important to the literary world.

 

Who am I kidding? I know I will be important. I will make sure that I will be important and I will not leave until I know that I have some kind of personal canon that I can leave for the future.

 

But I leave behind so few primary sources.

 

I look at my own bookshelf and there sits multiple editions of other literary giants and their own journals. Where would I be without the writer’s own words to help me truly understand the work? If people didn’t write down their recollection of this or that great writer, I wouldn’t have another way into that author’s life. I would miss out on that added insight.

 

Do I have that?

 

Not really because I have thrown out letters, lost yearbooks, thrown away cards on accident.

 

All I have are these…my blogs. These are my raw emotional in-my-own words diaries and you will all use my words, as you want to use them.  Will they survive? I have hope that they will and that they will be an added source.

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