I must write the best twenty pages of my life. My computer keys must bleed wires. My fingers will fall off. There is no other option.

 

I have to make it impossible for any school to reject me. Therefore, I have to write as if my life depended on it.

 

Well, in truth, my life does depend on it.

 

I have no other options that I want to pursue. It is grad school or it is nothing.

 

Someone once asked why I wanted to go to grad school for Creative Writing. At the time I thought in order to get all the practice in and all the connections, you had to go to grad school. Also, it would be the final validation I would need to insure myself that I am in fact creative.

 

But now I look at getting my master’s in creative writing as a way to marry the two things I do love…teaching and writing. Also I wouldn’t mind learning more about the publishing world. I could see me starting another lit magazine. I could be someone’s agent.

 

Although I know I can do the teaching part without the masters, it isn’t the same thing. Also, I feel like I just keep getting fizzled out with teaching in the lower grades. There is something I am missing or failing to see. My favorite class was the one I could design and if you ask anyone they would tell you I am more of a college professor then anything else.

I need to work on my applications. I must write my writing sample. 

However, I am at a loss for what to write about. Who’s story do I tell? Should I take the first twenty pages of my new novel and take the next few months to fix them until people cry? Or do I tell your story?

 

I know I need to keep my voice in it no matter what. Furthermore, I know I have to keep it honest.

 

Crap. I have to take the GRE’s again.

 

This has to happen people. I can’t fail this time.

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