It’s got to end, right? I mean, at some point, I will stop falling down and hit the bottom.

 

But right now, all I can feel is myself just falling down a black hole. I first fall backwards. I try to hold onto anything, but the interior is slick and there are no broken branches to catch my outstretched hands. Then I try to turn and fall forward. I am thinking if I can just see the end of things, maybe I could better brace myself for it. But it’s too dark. Besides, I can’t keep the wind out of my eyes and the tears just continue to form and fall. I would scream but dirt and air keep getting trapped in my lungs. I have no choice; I have to continue falling backward. I won’t be able to prepare for the landing. I will just need to come crashing down.

 

This is how I have been for the last two to three years. At some point, I have to hit the bottom. This can’t go on forever, can it? Even Alice hit the end of the rabbit hole and had doors and choices. Where is my ground floor? Where are the doors I get to pick from?

 

As it stands now, I just continue falling. There are times and moments when I think I am done falling. I think I am at the ground floor and I see a door. I walk in and, for a while, I am fine. All of the sudden, I trip and continue to fall backwards once again.

 

I am sick of it really. I just want to stop falling and get it over with. I want to look at the damage and try to start making sense of it all.

 

I want to know why I keep losing my balance. I can’t be always making the wrong decisions, can I?

 

Is my whole life just one bad mistake?

 

I don’t believe that. I can’t believe that. But then, how do I explain the falling?

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