I love looking at the odd phrases that pull people to my blog. However, yesterday’s phrase may have been the oddest one I have ever seen.

 

So, someone was at home and typed in the words, “my dog took my virginity”.

 

Then, my blog came up.

 

I’m not too sure what disturbs me more. The fact that someone wrote that or the fact that MY BLOG came up after someone typed that into google.

 

I don’t even want the mental picture of that happening.

 

When bad times strike, I strike back with humor. This is just one of those times.

 

I am picturing a big, brown lab dog that is sitting by his female master just waiting for her to throw her virginity like it is a Frisbee. Once she does and yells, “here boy, go fetch”, the dog gets greedy and takes off running down the hill with the Frisbee virginity in his mouth. Of course this has to have a tragic ending, so they are in an open park. I am thinking like Rittenhouse Square or Central Park. You know somewhere big and near lots of cars and congestion.

 

As the dog is running down the hill, totally thrilled that he has his master’s virginity in his mouth, he forgets that things like cars exist. He also is so fixated on running away with it that his mind forgets to tell him that cars can kill if you smack into one. But, no worries, he will learn that in about two point five seconds.

 

Poor, lost lady comes running after her dog only to see him smacked into the street, his blood and guts all over a big, silver SUV. However, it is important to point out that he never loosened his grip on the Frisbee of virginity.

 

Oh God…what if it was a guy who typed it in. Oh…oh…I just vomited in my mouth. Oh God! Use peanut butter, dude!!! Not the dog!!! Get a blow up doll!!!! Not the dog!!!!!

 

I have grossed myself out. Must go to my happy place…must go to my happy place.

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