I am the dumbest girl on the planet. No…I am not even kidding you. I really am stupid.

 

So, I have been eating these peanut M&M’s for the past hour. They don’t taste like what I think peanut M&M’s should taste like, but I chalk it up to them being on sale and being Valentine’s Day M&M’s. In my head I rationalize the flavor as being different because of the color-coated shells. We all know that they don’t usually make red and white M&M’s, so that HAS to be why they taste so different.

 

I look down on the package. I read that I am actually consuming Dark chocolate peanut M&M’s. I have been eating a bag of dark chocolate M&M’s for an hour. Half of the bag of candy is gone. It is only now, after looking down at the bag, do I notice why they taste so different.

 

But this is how stupid I am in my life. I don’t look at the obvious things. I create whole stories about things before I even look at the plain, simple facts.

 

Of course he doesn’t write me back…it’s because he doesn’t love me and hates me and wants me to die.  But the truth is, he is just busy living his life.

 

Of course I am a horrible writer, no one reads my blogs and no one wants to publish my stories. But the truth is everyone is busy watching TV and I haven’t put enough of my work out.

 

Of course no one loves me, I can’t even love myself. But the truth is I ask the wrong people to love me and I don’t see it when the right people do love me.

 

Why am I like this? Why am I so dumb?

 

I make up stupid stories and excuses in my head for people.

 

I think I do it all out of fear. I tend to be very harsh on myself. I don’t really think I have much worth and it freaks me out when others point out that I am worth more.

 

I never look at the obvious reason. I always create this big, dramatical doctorial thesis for why things happen as they happen. Why can’t I just see that shit happens? It doesn’t even have anything to do with me sometimes. It isn’t always my fault. Or I didn’t do anything to deserve this. It just happens because it happens.

 

I know I am not alone in thinking this way. We all create lies and untruths to help us rationalize things in our minds. But sometimes we don’t need all the excuses. We don’t need the blinders covering our eyes.

 

We need to just look down, read the damn package, and accept what is there.

 

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