Sometimes it takes an outsiders view to help one see clearly. We all get so caught up in the moment of things that we stop looking at everything as a whole. We look at that one small zit on our beautiful face. Or we zero in on that tiny cut above our lip and forget to see the beauty that can be found in our eyes.

 

That is the lesson I was served today.

 

I tend to look at my flaws and what is worse; I apologize over and over again for them.

 

Why do I do this? Why do I feel like I have to scream how sorry I am to the world? What do I have to really be sorry about?

 

The answer to that is nothing. I mean, if I forgot your birthday or ran over your cat, I could see where apologizing would be not only in order, but expected.

 

But when I look over the things I am to be sorry for…well, they just don’t make sense.

 

Maybe I think if I keep saying it over and over again, you will see that I really care. However, I think I make it absolutely clear that I care about you when I continually stand by your side. I show I care by never giving up. Do I really think I owe you an apology?

 

At the end of the day, I know I don’t owe you that. I have given you my love and devotion…an apology is just dumb.

 

I am not saying that I don’t make mistakes. I know I have flaws. But, they shape me into who I am and do I really need to say I’m sorry for that?

 

Am I sorry for who I am?

 

The answer to that is absolutely not. I would not change a thing in my life. Everything I have done and lived through has brought me here. All of that has created my sensitivities and insight. I can’t imagine what I would be without making the mistakes I made.

 

I can’t apologize for all of my actions. Sure, I do dumb shit, but most times I react out of love. I’ll keep people from me because I think they deserve better. But that is just a selfish reason, really. I am not God and whom do I think I am passing judgments on what others need in their lives? If I was put in your life, God has His (or Her depending on the day) reason for that and I shouldn’t apologize for not having something. God didn’t give it to me because you need to learn that lesson.

 

I will do my best to stop saying I am sorry for things I have no control over. It will be a learning process, but I think it is a smart way to go on with life. It’s true if you spend your life apologizing, then you have no life to be sorry for.

 

Every day, every hour is another lesson. I will do my best to stop saying sorry. 

Advertisements