I don’t know where it came from really. One day, I figured out I liked the Civil War. Then all of the sudden I realized I really like Abraham Lincoln. I hate his wife and am thankful she is s wee bit on the dead side. Seriously I would probably knock her out and rip those dumb ass flowers off her head.

 

I don’t know where that anger comes from.

 

Nor do I know why I am so obsessed with this man.

 

All I know is one day; I had the opportunity to go to Gettysburg. Since I rarely left the house, let alone the state, I was honored and thrilled to go on the trip. I almost fell to the ground when my mother said I could go (reread sentence two of this paragraph).  Sure, we were going for the yearbook, but, so what, it was a trip.

 

Never before and never since have I walked onto an open field and felt such peace and such a sense of belonging. Even though so many died on that field, I felt all their power, their hopes, and their love. It was the freakiest thing ever and of course I never forgot that moment.

 

So, naturally from having that experience I fell in love with the Civil War. More importantly I fell in love with Gettysburg and Lincoln. Although it has been over a decade since I first walked on the battlefield, I will still return to Gettysburg to find that sense of peace and above all, that sense of hope and love.

 

I wanted to go to Gettysburg College. I couldn’t afford it, so I never tried. I probably wouldn’t have liked it anyhow (or at least that is what I continually tell myself to make the sting of not trying go away).

 

I can just see the word Gettysburg or Lincoln and my face will just light up like a Christmas tree. It’s freaky.

 

Maybe I liked Lincoln by default. He was the President during the Civil War, so I had to like him. However, I think it goes deeper then that theory.

 

I can’t read books about him either. I hate reading how someone else saw his life. I want to know straight from his words.

 

There is no piece of literature more powerful to me then the Gettysburg Address.

 

I think that is my new goal. I want to understand why I have pegged this man as such a heroic figure in my life. I am drawn to him for some reason and maybe if I start really looking for the reason I will learn more about myself as well.

 

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