When I was a little girl, I was a hottie. Sure, I know, what happened? Don’t worry I ask myself that same question on a daily basis. I never get a response so I am sorry to inform you, you won’t be getting a response either.

 

Anyhow, when I was in kindergarten I was a little diva. I had this awesome thrift store find pocket book. It was shaped like a schoolhouse and it was the toast of the town. I lost that creative eye. Now I go for the most expensive and most glitter-tasic thing I can find. But I digress.

 

So, here I was, this cute little five year old and all the boys wanted to spend playtime with me. There was one particular boy named Jeremy that was really instant that I play robots with him. I was a girl. I wanted to smell the empty coffee can and play Wonder Woman. I had no use for robots or cars. I wanted to cook the robots a meal in the fake kitchen!

 

Well, I remember it was Valentine’s Day and of course I was sick. I didn’t go to school so of course I missed the cupcakes and the Valentine’s Day party. I also missed a special present from a special someone.

 

I was upstairs in my room, probably playing my Babies (you know, making Ken fall madly in love with Barbie, but Barbie can’t handle that right now because her sister is in rehab and her mother just died…I was a very elaborate kid) when my mother told me that someone was at the door for me. I was more then confused because I had no idea who would be coming to knock on my door.

 

There was Jeremy standing at my door with a brown paper bag. He handed me the bag and ran off. Inside the bag was my very first Valentine candy heart.

 

I grew up and trust me I was in a big drought. It was not until I was in tenth grade did I get my next Valentine’s candy box.

 

This was another one of those times when it just came out of nowhere. I think this guy was my boyfriend at the time and if I remember correctly we were not going out for that long. He came up to me, just handed me a brown box, and then walked away. Again, what is it with guys just handing me stuff and walking away? What does that mean exactly? Are they that embarrassed to give me a gift?

 

Anyhow, I was really surprised by that candy heart. I ate the whole thing in one day because I just didn’t want anyone else to have any of it. That candy heart was mine…all mine! I kept the empty box for a long time after that, too. The box lasted longer then the relationship, but I am not upset. I am lucky I had a chance to get to know that guy and yeah sure, I made out with him, too.

 

Years continue to pass and no man has ever come close to shocking me with a Valentine’s Day gift. I normally get pretty bitter around the holiday as well. I guess I am a secret romantic and I keep hoping that there will be another guy out there who will get me something small and totally predictable, yet give it to me in a brown bag and then run away.

 

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