I could go on for days and weeks about things that annoy me, but today I will just focus on this one thing. It bothers me more so because it is something that I myself do and it annoys me that I do it. Therefore, when others do it, I get incredibly annoyed almost to the point of being…dare I say it…pissed off.


The word is apathy. I am so sick of people dragging their feet and then acting like it’s my entire fault.


I will be the first to admit that I tend to drag my feet. I will stay in relationships far too long because I don’t have the will power to get out of it. I will completely complain that my life sucks and I don’t do anything. All of this does annoy me and I really do try to overcome it.


But this one thing really annoys me.


When someone will make all these plans with you and then when you call them out on it, they find some excuse why they can’t be there.


I will admit that I do this as well. But, I do it because of all my fears and craziness. I work myself up thinking the person doesn’t really want to spend time with me and all these other crazy thoughts. Then I make myself physically ill to the point that I can’t go. That is basically why I don’t make plans with people too far in advance. You want to see me, call me that day and you will have a better shot of seeing me then if we plan it for weeks down the road.


Because I know how I am, I tend to look very scatterbrained and unorganized. While the unorganized may in fact be true, I am not scatterbrained. If I want to do something, I do it that day and get it done with. If I wait too long I will loose my nerve and it will never get done (hence why I only have two stories out looking for rejections).


So, when people crap out on me, I get really annoyed and hurt. First, they have no idea how much nerve it takes me to convince myself that person wants to be around me and then for me to actually get ready to go out…I am already over the hump and winning that battle is near.


There are people in my life who are as impulsive as I am. We will sit over a meal or coffee and plan vacations and dinner events. But then when I say hey, let’s do that thing and I get back…well. I get annoyed.


Recently I have gotten so annoyed that I have stopped asking people to go to the theatre with me. I want to see Jesus Christ Superstar and on Jan 31, I am going. That’s right, I am going to the theatre alone. I don’t care because at least I didn’t buy a ticket for someone not to show up and it is something I want to see.


I have spent more time complaining how I don’t go to the theatre and do things that I have actually bored myself. I am doing the things I want to do and I am not asking if you want to come along anymore. If you want to go, then come with me, but I’m not asking anymore. Why am I the one to make all the plans? Am I the only one with a phone? Are my lips the only ones that know how to form words?


This is all bullshit and I am sick of it. I am sick of people acting like I don’t care about them. I am sick of people blaming me for dropping the ball in relationships. I am very upfront about how I am and why I do what I do. You need to take me for all that I am (all the craziness and love) or move on and leave me alone.


This ends my rant.