I just weighted myself…142 pounds.

All I can think to say is CRAP!

Part of it is my fault. I haven’t gone back to the gym. Also, my monthy bill will probably be making it’s visit requesting payment this week, so that will put on some extra pounds. I can’t stop eating. I don’t think my medicine is working.

I hate this so much. I feel like a fat cow. I am tired ALL THE TIME. I just spent the last two hours doing homework for class. I am still not fully prepared for tomorrow. There are copies I need to get made and I don’t have the guided reading center set up yet. I did ask someone at work to help me, but they looked at me like I had bats flying out of my eyes, so I just did the best I could to set it up on my own.

I don’t understand why they can’t stop talking. Then they want to eat cheese curls. Yet, they don’t stop talking. I have done all I can. I am calling home and sometimes I get an answer and sometimes I don’t get one. Why can’t I use duct tape?

My plan today was to go get my blood work done after school. I stayed at school until like 4pm trying to call parents and get my room in some kind of order (they cleaned the floors and just threw the shit in the rooms). I didn’t get my blood work done. I can’t do it tomorrow because I have another meeting afterschool. Hopefully I can go the next day. I might have to wait until Saturday.

I feel so fat. Then I get upset and I eat more.

I can’t get fat again.

I wish I had a reason to look thin. I don’t care enough about myself to fix my fatness. If I had someone to love me and I wanted to look good for them, then I would fight to look good. But I don’t and the weight keeps piling on. Then I will never find that perfect (fully loaded with imperfections) guy. So I eat more.

I stopped drinking soda. Maybe I should go on one of those pills that burns the fat like ali?

I am fustrated because I am fat, bloated and tired. Three things no one wants to be…ever.

Tomorrow will be a better day…right?