Yes, this is how dumb I am. I start this whole “let’s loose weight and change my life” and I don’t bother looking at the calandar. Truth be told, I don’t really chart things like my visit from Aunt Flo. Mostly I don’t have a reason to chart it. I seriously don’t care when she comes because I’m not doing anything that I would need to chart her coming over or not coming over.

Anyhow, I did weight myself today and surprise surprise I am 137.8 pounds. I gained a whole .8 pound. Could it be from the pound of chocolate I ate yesterday? Maybe it was the two small bags of Fritos I ate? Oh and I am not going to the gym today. My body feels like a mac truck has crashed into it and well…I’m depressed.

It’s my own fault.

What was I thinking reading a book about a dog dying? Why would I think watching a show about a woman who’s brother dies of cancer and then she gets cancer would be a good idea? Then of course I start looking over my life and the tears keep rolling.

For the last two hours I have done nothing but cry.

However, now I am at the pissed stage of things. And I have a message to one very special person in my life. This will be a bit of a rant, so just hold on (and the best part of it all is this person won’t even read this…that is how much or I should say how little I mean to them, yet for me, the sun rises and sets because this one little fucker breathes).

One day you will be walking down the street and then BAM! You will get punched in the face. You will be a bit dazed because how often does that happen to you…a person just jamming their fist in your face (then again…hmmm.) Anyhow, you will stop and I am sure a bunch of curse words will come flying out of your mouth. But then you will start to get yourself together and you will know just who that punch came from. That’s right…it will be me. I swear someday I will just hit you so hard in the face. My mother used to say that people need their heads shaken a bit every now and then in order to get the marbles to go back into the right places. And my baby, your marbles are all over the place and none of them are in the right spots.

I love you…I love you…a million times I love you but damn do you know how to piss me off! The worst part is, it doesn’t phase or bother you at all. You hardly know that you make me pissed off to the point of sheer violence.

I thought I asked for little, but then maybe I do ask for a lot. You know, a hello every now and then. Maybe when an email gets sent, a response. If you get a phone call, just maybe send one back. I guess asking to be treated with just some consideration…I don’t even know where I was going with that sentence…that’s how pissed off I am.

I just know this…it hurts so much to know how little I mean to you. Please understand that this happens all the time to me. I want so badly to be important to people who clearly do not think I am important to them. I am like a cat who looks for that one person in the room who hates cats and begs for that person to love them.

Then I wonder, is that what this is or is it something else? Am I missing something?

Then here is what is probably going to happen…you will come in with a word or you will tell me some reasonable thing that happened and I will forgive you (and feel like an ass for getting so worked up). But serioulsy, let’s take a good look at my history. The two people in all of our lives that are supposed to be there and love us, well, that didn’t happen for me. I always feel like the ones I love are somehow cursed because I love them. People I love leave me. Do you blame me for being so afraid of loosing you?

Anyhow, that’s enough of that rant. Now here is the list of things you should not do when PMSing:

10. Do not eat salty foods (you are already retaining water and eating salt will not help the bloating feeling…at all.)

9. Do not watch sad, chick flicks ( you will only cry and feel like an ass for crying over a dumb ass chick flick).

8. Do not eat chocolate (although you really want to, don’t. You will just feel like a huge hefer for eating a pound of M&M’s and then the tears will come).

7. Stay away from sad songs (even songs like “Be Happy” will no doubt make you wonder why you aren’t happy and then …tears).

6. Do not read sad books (this goes along with the sad, chick flicks…you will read the sad book, say “Marley & Me”-just tossing that out there- and you will cry because the dog dies and then you will cry because you are crying over a dead dog that is in a book and this dead dog has nothing to do with you).

5. Stay away from men (you will just get annoyed with them and they will do something like say to you “What, are you getting your period or something” and then you will punch them in the face…or is that just me).

4. Do not start thinking about dead relatives (you will only see the sad times and you will cry…as soon as that topic starts floating in your head, do something quickly to stop it…like say go shopping for something strange like Cat Earmuffs…make it a shopping adventure)

3. Do not make any life altering changes (your body is all hyped up on hormones, so you aren’t thinking clearly. Sure, moving to Las Vegas may seem like a good idea today, but sleep on it).

2. Stay away from all types of communication devices (you Will say something stupid to someone and then feel like an ass…look at my above rant…would I have done that if I wasn’t all hormonal? Would I let that stuff bother me like it does if I wasn’t all hormonal?)

1. Stay away from food (you will eat EVERYTHING in the house. Sure, eating a bag of double stuff oeroes sounds awesome, but you will then regret it and begin to cry. Then you will cry more because you are crying for a dumb reason. It will just spiral. So, just take what you need from the kitchen and WALK AWAY).

I am sure I could go one, but ten a day sounds like a good start.

Advertisements