I was driving to work the other day and I drive through what I like to call the country. I see horses and cows every morning (along with horribly expensive homes) and I will admit, I moo at the cows every morning. They are usually eating, so they just give me that what’s up nod. You know, the chin in the air head movement.

Anyhow, there was this chick in a silver SUV in front of me and apparently she was a brain surgeon who must have just been paged to the hospitail because she was just crusing along the road at what could only be describe as going about 80.

It was a shame really, because she missed out on the deers chilling on the side of the road.

She didn’t get to see the gaggle of what I like to refer to as the teen deers. There was about four of them and in my mind, things went like this…

The four deers are by the road and they haven’t slept all night. It’s the holiday season and they got out of school early (they decided to pull a prank that landed them all with Deer High Out of School Suspension). So, they were doing what I wish normal teens would stop doing (drinking being among the long list…but I digress).  It’s now about 7:15am and they should be on their way to school. However, they have off and they are DRUNK. Having that superman drunk sense of things, they all start daring one another to run out in front of the cars. Nothing is going to happen to them; they won’t get killed. It would just be hilarious to see a car slam on their brakes and hear the driver curse at them.

Finally, Marty (I don’t know really why he name is Marty…it just is) finally agrees to be the first deer to run out in front of the cars. Normally, when Marty is sober, he could do this with no problem. He can get the speed right and the timing just perfect. But since he put back about half a bottle of Jack without eating, Marty is a bit on the toasted side. But, he is always Mr Daredevil and he makes a go for the road. Unfortunetly, his timing is off and he slams into the side of the silver SUV. His friend Derrick (again, no idea where the names are coming from) quickly sobers up and crosses the street in front of my car. He isn’t looking at me. Derrick is starring at Marty as Marty tries to get up an walk off his broken neck. Marty tries two more times to get up and his neck is hanging to the right side. Finally, Marty looses all sense of control and drops in the road. Derrick is stunned and just continues looking at his dying friend. The other two deer wait on the other side. One of them, Mike, has pulled out a cell phone and is trying to call 911. However, Mike’s phone can’t get a signal.

I drive on thinking…damn…a half a second earlier and I could have killed Marty (or he may have killed me).

To this story, there are many morals:

1. Enjoy your surroundings. When you are blessed with a beautiful landscape, take the time to look at it and then find the drunk teen deers.

2. Obey the speed limit; nothing is so important that can’t wait a few more seconds.

3. Don’t hit deers.

4. If you are a drunk deer, stay on the side of the road and wait for all the cars to pass.

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