I went in looking for tea. I used up all my hot cinnamon sunset tea and I think there is a conspiracy. I can’t find it anymore. Sure, I can buy a cup from my local Barnes and Noble, but I hate them. Also, what the hell is one cup going to do? I need more then that and I think I deserve more then that.


So I went into my cabinet thinking, well fine, I will just drink something else. I got all excited because I saw that I had some spiced chai tea left. Ha-ha, hot cinnamon sunset with all your devilish goodness, I have something just as good as you. But then I started thinking, “Does tea expire?” Well, yes it does and mine had expired like three years ago. Left with no other option, I had to go to the supermarket or what I call the food store.


I haven’t been here in years. I hate going and I think it has to do with the fact that when I was growing up, my mother would wake my up at 7am on Saturday to go shopping with her. I refuse to go now. I just make other people go for me. It works because I make a mean brownie and I see no shame in bribery.


So, I get in the car and my mantra is…”Only buy tea.” Of course that didn’t happen. I walked in and started looking at the fruit. Then I quickly remembered my mantra and walked to the yogurt and cheese section. Because we all know THAT is where they keep the tea. I have been on this diary kick for a bit. I have been gaining some weight, so I started trying to curb that. Instead of eating a box of milk duds, I am trying to keep yogurt and cheese around. I figure I can indulge a bit in that section and I pick up some more yogurt and cheese.


As a leave I start thinking, but Halloween is coming and I have nothing for the trick or treaters (that we never get anyhow, but my luck the one year I am not prepared, they will bang on my door). I walked down the holiday aisle and picked up some twizzlers (fat free and makes mouths happy). Then I turn and see the “10 for 10 dollar” section. Here is where it all goes down the shitter.


They have easy Mac on sale. I just buy one. I turn and see that they have boxes of Mac and Cheese. Normally I would be able to pass them by because they are too much work and I rarely have milk or butter in the house. But of course they stick the cute Spiderman boxes up front. Plunk, plunk, in the cart they go. PowerAde…plunk…plunk.


It gets worse. I leave that section and think, wouldn’t it be cool if I got something different for dinner? I go down the pasta aisle and there is this instant tortellini. Plunk…plunk.


Finally I get to the tea section. I am looking around and getting annoyed because where are all the specialty teas? I don’t mess with that nasty plain ol’ tea. I turn to the next aisle and there they all are just smiling and waving at me. Of course some of the tea is even on sale. Not the kind I want, but the sale tags make me stop a bit longer then I would have normally spent looking in the section. I pick up this pomegranate tea (which will probably taste like ass and will sit in my cabinet for another three years) and I get my chai tea.


Sixty some odd dollars later, I come home and my cat is looking at me. In her sweet way, she looks me dead in the eye and conveys to me, “Hey, it’s great you went to the food store and all, but ugh…I kinda need something.” Then she runs into her litter box and loving shows me that she needs litter.


And that is why I don’t go to the food store!