I am obsessed with the TLC show “What Not to Wear” and I am not too sure why. I think it has to do with the fact that you get five grand to buy a whole new wardrobe and you get to shop in New York City. Also, Stacey and Clinton give you rules to shop with. Nick fixes your hair and Carmandy comes in and instructs you how to apply make-up. You get a whole glam squad and they fix you.


I want to be fixed.


Although, I will be honest, sometimes Stacey annoys me. One time she will have a white streak in her hair and then she won’t. Also, I think I am still bitter about going to the taping of her show. “What show?” you are asking and that is my point. I was all excited because I have never gone to a show taping in my life and here I was going to NYC to see fashion guru Stacey London. I was told there would be food and cocktails. Then, there is the swag bag filled with all kinds of cool stuff I would never buy on my own.


It didn’t happen quiet like that. I remember five hours without food or water. I remember having a huge headache and a cup with a bean in it (that was the food). Then I recall a certain cougar wearing a black jacket and a gold bra skipping in line and getting in the front row. I remember being shoved in the back of the audience and they were passing around M&M’s (I guess that was more food). We weren’t allowed to even go use the bathroom.


I left miserable and tired. The swag bag could have been filled with Tiffany’s diamonds and Urban Decay make-up and it still wouldn’t have been enough to make me happy. They bag was filled with a cookbook (I don’t cook) and some lip balm, some vintage rings, Yoga toes, and some ice cubes. I know…but seriously…ice cubes.


But I digress.


I want to be fixed. I want someone to tell me what will look good on me and what I need to avoid. I want a new hair-do and some make-up tips. Lastly, I want that happy look all the chicks get when they “go through the process” of the show. All the women say it is a life altering experience. I want that, too.


Then I start thinking…is that it? Could just changing your clothes and finding clothes that fit you the right way…is that what can help change us? Are clothes really that important? Or is it how you feel in the clothes? Is the transformation of actually seeing yourself looking fresh and “meow” the thing that pushes you to continue the change? Do people really treat you differently because of how you are dressed?


Well, I know that last statement is true. I once got kicked off the steps at a church in London because I was dressed like a punk rock kid. I was just trying to be comfortable and eat my chicken salad with bacon…I wasn’t going to rush the church and hump a statue of Jesus or anything. But because of how I dressed, I was treated differently.

I want to be transformed. I want to be fixed. I have no idea what I am doing. I need Stacey and Clinton.